The Real Story of the Mahatma
by Mr Khan
Summary: The Ghost of Christmas Past has a story to tell about Gandhi


The Real Story of the Mahatma

By MrKhan

I have a lot of respect for the Mahatma: Mohandas Gandhi, but this story, originally conceived as a parody for a biography I wrote about him for school, was an opportunity too hilarious to pass up, though I expanded the original story to have more relevance to the cartoon in question.

Also: The all-caps are meant to represent the voice of a certain character.

Meatwad was watching TV. Shake came into the living room and shot a flaming arrow from his crossbow. "Hey! I was watching that!" shouted Meatwad. Shake had already left by the time Meatwad shouted, but quickly returned pushing a large crate into the room.

"Well, I was going to give you this candy, but if you don't want it…"

"Oh boy! Candy!" Meatwad quickly rolled across the room and hopped into the crate. Inside the crate, Meatwad found… "Hey! This ain't no candy! This some damn packing peanuts!"

"Yeah!" laughed Shake, as he put a top on the crate and nailed the top on. "Pack you up and ship you off! Haha!"

Later, outside, Shake stood by as a delivery truck drove off. "Haha! See you later!" Frylock floated out.

"Shake, have you seen Meatwad?"

"Yeah. Saw him when I packed him off in that box and shipped him off to India!"

"Oh, my, god." Frylock said.

"Oh my god, oh my god. That's how you always respond to everything! Can't you come up with something original for once?" Shake replied.

"Shake, Hindus see cows as sacred objects! What kind of meat do you think Meatwad's made of?" Frylock asked.

"I don't know. Why do you keep asking me things?" Shake spat back.

"He's in great danger, Shake, we need to go to India!"

STOP! And out of nowhere jumps the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past From the Future. YOU CANNOT GO TO INDIA.

"Oh yeah? And why the hell not?" asked Frylock.

YOU CANNOT GO TO INDIA BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW THE TRUTH. THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MAHATMA THAT THEY WILL NOT TELL YOU.

"The Mahatma? What does he have to do with this?" Frylock queried.

I WILL NOW TELL YOU! The telltale smoke of a long and boring story suddenly flooded their vision.

FOR THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS, THE MANBEARPIGS RULED OVER EASTERN EUROPE. THEN ONE DAY THE MAHATMA CAME. HE SAID, "LET MY PEOPLE BE FREE FROM THE REIGN OF THE MANBEARPIGS!" AND THE MANBEARPIGS WERE FILLED WITH FEAR, FOR THEY HAD USED THEIR TIME MACHINE TO GO INTO THE FUTURE PAST AND SEE THE PROPHECY THAT HAD BEEN FULFILLED. THEY SAW THAT THE MAHATMA WOULD ONE DAY GIVE BIRTH, TO JOHN CONNOR.

SO THE MANBEARPIGS SAID UNTO THE MAHATMA, "WE WILL LET YOUR PEOPLE BE FREE IF YOU DELIVER UNTO US THE SECRET FOR FREE SHOWTIME ON DEMAND," FOR THE MANBEARPIGS WISHED TO CATCH UP ON THE EPISODES OF DEXTER THAT THEY HAD MISSED WHILE THEIR DVR HAD BEEN AT THE SHOP. IN ORDER TO FULFILL THIS, THE MAHATMA WENT UNTO HIS FRIEND, JIM CARREY, THE CROOKED CABLE GUY. BUT JIM CARREY INFORMED HIM THAT HE HAD LOST HIS CABLE LICENSE, BECAUSE HE HAD GIVEN FREE CINEMAX UNTO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, WHO LATER DECIDED IT WAS A SIN AND TURNED HIM IN. SO THE MAHATMA WENT TO MR. OWL, AND ASKED HIM HOW MANY LICKS IT TOOK TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE-POP. MR. OWL TOOK THE TOOTSIE-POP FROM HIM, LICKED IT THRICE, THEN BIT INTO THE CENTER AND CLAIMED THAT IT COULD BE DONE IN ONLY THREE LICKS. THE MAHATMA WAS NOT PLEASED.

NEXT THE MAHATMA WENT TO HIS PET GORILLA, COCO, WHO KNEW SIGN LANGUAGE, AND HAD A KITTEN. LITTLE DID HE KNOW THAT COCO'S REAL NAME, WAS SARAH CONNOR. AFTER A NIGHT OF HOT GORILLA PASSION, THE MAHATMA REALIZED THAT THE PROPHECY WOULD SOON BE FULFILLED. THE MAHATMA SOON GAVE BIRTH, TO JOHN CONNOR. JOHN CONNOR CAME FORTH FROM THE MAN-WOMB FULLY GROWN, AND IMMEDIATELY STOLE THE MANBEARPIGS' TIME MACHINE AND WENT BACK INTO THE FUTURE TO BRING FORWARD IN TIME ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. WHEN ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER ARRIVED, HE IMMEDIATELY JOINED THE REPUBLICAN PARTY AND BECAME GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA.

AS GOVERNOR, HE REDUCED CARBON EMISSIONS BY A LARGE PERCENTAGE, JUST AS JOHN CONNOR DESIRED, FOR POLLUTED AIR HAD POISONED COCO'S KITTEN, AND KILLED IT. WITH THE AIR POLLUTION GONE, THE MANBEARPIGS BECAME DISMAYED, BECAUSE AIR POLLUTION WAS THEIR MOST POTENT APHRODISIAC, AND WITHOUT IT THEY COULD NOT PROCREATE. SO THE MANBEARPIGS DECIDED TO LEAVE AND GO UNTO BEIJING, WHERE THEIR AIR POLLUTION COULD STILL BE FOUND, AND THEY LEFT THE PEOPLE OF EASTERN EUROPE IN PEACE. THE PEOPLE OF EASTERN EUROPE DECIDED TO CHRISTEN THE MAHATMA "THE HIGHLANDER," AND THREW HIM OFF A CLIFF IN SCOTLAND, THINKING THAT IT WOULD MAKE HIM IMMORTAL. AFTER HE DIED, THEY DECLARED "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" AND DECIDED TO GO WATCH THE HIGHLANDER AGAIN, BECAUSE IT WAS A KICK-ASS MOVIE.

The smoke faded away. "Okay, are we done here?" Frylock asked impatiently.

MAYBE. I HAVE TO GO TO THE FUTURE TO FIND OUT IF IT'S CHANGED.

"Whatever," Frylock said. "Come on, Shake." Just then the delivery truck roared past. Meatwad flew out of the rear and hit Shake in the face.

"Hey! Do you know how disgusting that is?" Shake growled.

"They told me I was too unsanif, unsena…" Meatwad struggled.

"Unsanitary," put in Frylock.

YOU WERE NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO INDIA BECAUSE THEY DID NOT WANT YOU FINDING OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT THE AMERICAN DELIVERY SYSTEM.

"Oh crap, the smoke again!" shouted Frylock. "Hurry, get back in the house." They all ran back in, and shut the door behind them.

YOUR MOTHER!


End file.
